What she is seeking

“For her part [she] needs to begin to curb her angry outbursts – – not because they are unjustified, but because they will not give her what she is really seeking. Anger may make her feel more powerful, temporarily. However, psychologist Steven Stosny observes that that “if loss of power was the problem in intimateContinue reading “What she is seeking”

Next Year … Some Year (this year)

Millay was right when she said they all have lied. There hasn’t been any day, in any week, in any month – not a single day since then. I would take just one – a series of 24 successive hours where you don’t invade my heart thoughts. A solid sleep, a quiet morning, an inconsequential afternoon. AnContinue reading “Next Year … Some Year (this year)”

This is how you will lose him

You know, don’t you. Have always known. That it won’t be happiness that ends it. You learnt this many years ago. When, in some other loss, some other love, you discovered there’s no seducing sadness. This is how you will lose him. A small or sudden sorrow that separates. No crawling on your belly back. The distance, suddenly, too far. Ruins to most people. But really,Continue reading “This is how you will lose him”

You have been loved

I imagine it’s something like lights turning on all over the world. One by one the illumination, as continents glimmer then glow. I see it as gravity pulling the stars back down. Collective sadness, collecting love. The bright flame of grief making our shared surface deeper. Know this. You have been loved. It’s not dimming, ever. To remember,Continue reading “You have been loved”

A ritual for letting go

It is not so remarkable. To be two in seven billion. To find each other in the throng. It is not so remarkable to navigate the wide oceans and narrow fences between us, to swim and scramble, and to arrive at each other at last … I’ve been here before. Recognising that happening under theContinue reading “A ritual for letting go”

Left behind

Gone now. An empty room I travel through, seeing what used to be there, the ghost tables and photographs, the thread chairs disappearing. What to decorate, what to add to this emptiness? But first the walking, barefoot, the reaching and touching of things that used to be here. Feeling the fade, feeling the ending, the going away asContinue reading “Left behind”

You don’t let go

You don’t. The accumulation, the little gatherings. You open your arms wider to them. You hold one more, and close. You don’t. Fingers and slipping. Everything that falls through – you never knew how. Always scooping up the love at your feet. Until it is back again, and overflowing. You don’t let go. You let.Continue reading “You don’t let go”

Sorry?

Sorry? Am I really here again? Standing on a dark street, lip bit, trying not to cry? Am I really here, in heels too high for the slippery streets and the shaking? Why’s it always raining when my heart gets broken? (there’s no denying – half a year got me half way there.) And now you’ve gone and left meContinue reading “Sorry?”

All this time (5)

8.17 PM It’s not as if she hadn’t considered this. If she’s honest with herself, and there really isn’t any point in lying now, not with his chest pressed against her back, and his hand resting against her hipbone. She’s staring at the wall, staring at the particular hotelness of this room. The textured wallpaper, theContinue reading “All this time (5)”