The cost that comes

It is easy to see the beginnings of things, and harder to see the ends. More curious than endings however, are those moments you stand on the liminal, where beginnings and endings might be the very same thing. I am never more aware of this threshold than when I am travelling on a plane. Suspended for a time somewhere betweenContinue reading “The cost that comes”

They are my stories

These are not suitcases. They are my stories. I carry them with me, yes, and at times – at 2ams and altitudes – my shoulders slump with their heft. The weight of past mistakes and all of the leaving. I spin the world backward, these times. Searching with my finger across the whirring, blurring globeContinue reading “They are my stories”

You don’t let go

You don’t. The accumulation, the little gatherings. You open your arms wider to them. You hold one more, and close. You don’t. Fingers and slipping. Everything that falls through – you never knew how. Always scooping up the love at your feet. Until it is back again, and overflowing. You don’t let go. You let.Continue reading “You don’t let go”

To the lover after you …

I come with suitcases. Most people do. Mine are full of words and wounds, and that time he said it wouldn’t work. When I never once considered it was him not me that was broken. I’ve been carrying this for years. All that heavy. Maybe I could put the contents at your feet some day?Continue reading “To the lover after you …”

I’ll still know

I’ll still know your birthday. I’ll still know the date you said yes, still see the girl with her hand to her mouth and her back to the wall, surrounded by love and alcohol – these midwives who birthed her grief, and carried her, carefully, back into the world. I’ll still know those next years by your doorContinue reading “I’ll still know”

The weight of it

I never expected to be happy. Not in the sense that I would have a big, rich life, a red-like-Christmas life, where every day was tinsel and jolly. I only ever wanted to survive my own heart. To find small moments of light in the dark, to live knowing I’d find that light sometimes, evenContinue reading “The weight of it”