What We Have Left

The first time your heart shatters, you become one woman or another. The first can only ever love the broken after that. She sees damage as her canvas, and she spends the rest of her life trying to make it beautiful. Cobbling together the lost and fragmented, soothing their sadness and their grief. She createsContinue reading “What We Have Left”

The exact equation

You know what else is funny? How the ache is so strong, you think it will never go away, that something set so deep couldn’t possibly fade. Then later comes along. At some point – later – you no longer feel what you used to feel.  And when you think about what you came through, you can’tContinue reading “The exact equation”

Sorry?

Sorry? Am I really here again? Standing on a dark street, lip bit, trying not to cry? Am I really here, in heels too high for the slippery streets and the shaking? Why’s it always raining when my heart gets broken? (there’s no denying – half a year got me half way there.) And now you’ve gone and left meContinue reading “Sorry?”

I’ll still know

I’ll still know your birthday. I’ll still know the date you said yes, still see the girl with her hand to her mouth and her back to the wall, surrounded by love and alcohol – these midwives who birthed her grief, and carried her, carefully, back into the world. I’ll still know those next years by your doorContinue reading “I’ll still know”

Into something stronger

So many people die protecting their heart, instead of exposing it. They never once say – Fuck it! I’m in. It wouldn’t work? Who cares! Let’s try! They never take the leap, and risk the fall. The knowing, finally, that you are on your way now. Or free to leave, once and for all. It might break theirContinue reading “Into something stronger”

I know you don’t watch me walk away (remember)

I know you don’t watch me walk away. I know you don’t press your forehead against the double glass to keep me in your sight. There is no straining for that one last look, no time suspended in the final unblinking stare. You don’t stay with me until I am just another city glow fadingContinue reading “I know you don’t watch me walk away (remember)”

I do not miss you more on Valentine’s Day

I do not miss you more on Valentine’s Day. In the profusion of reds and intact hearts you are no more absent than you ever were. (I do not miss you in the language of calendars and clocks – in the birthdays and the Christmas mornings and the ten-nine-eights of New Years Eve) I missContinue reading “I do not miss you more on Valentine’s Day”

Cleave

The first time somebody breaks your heart. Not just the pulls and strain that muscle endures – but this. A tear. Right through. (The first time you understand what people can really do, this history of holocausts and butchery they teach at school – you remember the foundation shake, the devastation. Nothing – or lifeContinue reading “Cleave”