This is how you will lose him

You know, don’t you. Have always known. That it won’t be happiness that ends it. You learnt this many years ago. When, in some other loss, some other love, you discovered there’s no seducing sadness. This is how you will lose him. A small or sudden sorrow that separates. No crawling on your belly back. The distance, suddenly, too far. Ruins to most people. But really,Continue reading “This is how you will lose him”

I’ll still know

I’ll still know your birthday. I’ll still know the date you said yes, still see the girl with her hand to her mouth and her back to the wall, surrounded by love and alcohol – these midwives who birthed her grief, and carried her, carefully, back into the world. I’ll still know those next years by your doorContinue reading “I’ll still know”

To sink under slowly

The feeling is immediate under my toes. A sensation of sinking in, of earthing myself. The sand starts warm and soft underfoot, and closer to the water it becomes damp and hard, leaving my footprints in a trail behind me. I scratch a crooked heart with my big toe and watch as a wave licksContinue reading “To sink under slowly”

Where the feeling starts

(Look deeper, Lucy. Examine where the feeling starts). Joe, I tilt my glass toward him, is anyone taking care of you? His laugh in response is brittle, sad. I can see from the look on his face that your avenging angel has never been asked. His expression reveals gratitude for the question, and something else.Continue reading “Where the feeling starts”

I know you don’t watch me walk away (remember)

I know you don’t watch me walk away. I know you don’t press your forehead against the double glass to keep me in your sight. There is no straining for that one last look, no time suspended in the final unblinking stare. You don’t stay with me until I am just another city glow fadingContinue reading “I know you don’t watch me walk away (remember)”

I used to say it better

Joe. Did Ben ever cheat on Anna? Your brother has been back every night this week. Bringing me wine and fresh flowers each time he visits. He spends these hours by my side, we sit facing forward as we speak. Words coming easier now, revelations and little stories we trade. Some things danced around, butContinue reading “I used to say it better”