You have been loved

I imagine it’s something like lights turning on all over the world. One by one the illumination, as continents glimmer then glow. I see it as gravity pulling the stars back down. Collective sadness, collecting love. The bright flame of grief making our shared surface deeper. Know this. You have been loved. It’s not dimming, ever. To remember,Continue reading “You have been loved”

The weight of it

I never expected to be happy. Not in the sense that I would have a big, rich life, a red-like-Christmas life, where every day was tinsel and jolly. I only ever wanted to survive my own heart. To find small moments of light in the dark, to live knowing I’d find that light sometimes, evenContinue reading “The weight of it”

Without my permission

Wednesday April 17th, 2013 Today is my last day. Of what? Of being alive? Of being in this world? Not exactly, because I’m here still, in a way. I can see everything and feel everything, although I’ve been trying to get that right, because it’s not exactly feeling, is it? It’s not the same asContinue reading “Without my permission”

Not what I imagined

Jane So this is what it is like to be dead. It is not what I imagined. Though imaginings seem very limited now, the things one can dream and feel when we are alive. Now that I am dead. I am dead. What a strange distinction. Between me before, and me now. Before I wasContinue reading “Not what I imagined”

Into the After

Sometimes, I time travel through their wounds. I take them back to before. Before the wheels over-corrected, or the under-tow pulled too hard. I take them back to the moment before they said yes to that guy or before they turned that corner – before life began to slide away from where they’d been. I’mContinue reading “Into the After”

To sink under slowly

The feeling is immediate under my toes. A sensation of sinking in, of earthing myself. The sand starts warm and soft underfoot, and closer to the water it becomes damp and hard, leaving my footprints in a trail behind me. I scratch a crooked heart with my big toe and watch as a wave licksContinue reading “To sink under slowly”

Where the beginning resides

Lying here in the dark without you. There have been a thousand nights without you. So many sleepless nights counting down from midnight; it was always easier to miss you in the daylight hours. But now the darkness expands into tomorrow. Now the darkness is endless, ahead of me, as well as behind. If IContinue reading “Where the beginning resides”

Where the feeling starts

(Look deeper, Lucy. Examine where the feeling starts). Joe, I tilt my glass toward him, is anyone taking care of you? His laugh in response is brittle, sad. I can see from the look on his face that your avenging angel has never been asked. His expression reveals gratitude for the question, and something else.Continue reading “Where the feeling starts”

The tragedy of our ending

The Memory of Stars Maggie I am watching the coffee stain my fingers as you lie dying in the gravel. It is a morning of bright blue promise. The breakfast show host is laughing at his own joke, and I smile at the television without hearing the punch line.  Next up a story on howContinue reading “The tragedy of our ending”