How we end it

I could never have imagined, one year ago, where we would be now. The first steps leading to the next, and how we all catch up to our ending, eventually. It’s never the big things, Ben. Never a catastrophe that starts it. That’s why they talk of butterflies and their wings. A tiny flutter, aContinue reading “How we end it”

In every beginning an ending is written …

“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.” – TS Eliot, Four Quartets I’m a better person for knowing you. For this invitation into your world, and the people you loved. I know why they loved youContinue reading “In every beginning an ending is written …”

Darkness lets everything in

Should we ever be trusted to tell our own story? I am supposed to tell mine here, let little bits of light into the past 7 years so that others can find what they are looking for. Here, the clues, and here, and here. We are all operating from the same motherboard of wants andContinue reading “Darkness lets everything in”

The best of these are broken

There are two things people say to me in this first week. In addition to the chorus line of I’m so sorrys and god is mysterious that I receive, people either put their hand on my shoulder and say you’re so strong, Anna. Or they squeeze my own hand and stress – you must rememberContinue reading “The best of these are broken”

Overture

It takes me three weeks. I can’t find the words, not even a single sound to encourage introduction. The closest moment was also the first, when I saw her there stirring the coffee a little too long. The rhythmic turning of the spoon, sleeves pulled down low over her hands, she never once looked upContinue reading “Overture”

Same Script, Different Cast

The morning you died was ordinary enough. Oliver muddled tennis and violin, we were half way to school when he said Mom, I need my violin. Mom. An affectation from too much American TV, my girlfriends and I had noticed the same habit in all of our kids lately, the way they rolled their r’sContinue reading “Same Script, Different Cast”

Equilibrium

“Spotting is the process of delaying the rotation of the head, relative to the body’s rotational speed, by way of visual focus on one or more fixed points in space” Lucy Mason was always going to be a ballerina. An encounter with Swan Lake at four, the lessons that followed in an octogenarian’s garage –Continue reading “Equilibrium”