“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.” – TS Eliot, Four Quartets
I’m a better person for knowing you. For this invitation into your world, and the people you loved. I know why they loved you back, Ben. I know why they love you still. You were so loved. All of the mistakes, all of the regrets you might have felt that morning as you tied your shoes, as you set off for that run along the river. They don’t count for anything in the end. They are not the things you leave behind; the mistakes are not what we remember.
We remember the impact made. We remember the aching, tender, breaking impression left upon us. We remember how people change us, and how if we are lucky, that impact changed them too. This is love, Ben, at the end of the day. And love is what we remember most of all.
I have to go now. Time to meet Maggie for cake and wine. Mostly wine, I would imagine. We have a birthday to celebrate. A new beginning. An ending too, after nine months without you. I know I’m going to have to confess my part in this to her. Eventually. But that story belongs to a different ending. Or a whole other beginning. See, I keep coming back to this, Ben. The idea that beginnings and endings are one and the same. And that a connection like ours is never truly severed.
It just changes. Expands. I was not wrong when I said that surviving is one of the hardest things to endure. It means to live beyond. And to live beyond what you once had, you have to let go of the past. You can’t hold on too long, not when you have to move on. Not if you want to survive. But Ben, you take the love with you. Of this I am certain.
I have to go now. Time to meet Maggie for cake and wine. Mostly wine, I would imagine. We have a birthday to celebrate.
Eidyia’s Note: This past week I wrote the last lines of body, remember. The journey I started here on this blog 22 months ago has lead me to an 80,000 word manuscript ,and I’m now one giant leap closer to my dream of being a published author. For a writer, I’m not even sure I have the words to say how it feels … but I’m taking it in. Before the endless edits begin!!