Against Love

It isn’t that I hate you. Sometimes I say it because I still want your name in my mouth. Because I used to say your name every day and I miss the sound it makes through tongue and teeth. I miss the ownership, implicit – the way it placed you at my centre. Your name back then was my punctuation, the meaning made, my intonation. It was everything I said and all I left out. Every ellipses led back to you.

Of course it isn’t that I hate you. Though you may hear it said from time to time. It’s just that, still, your name reminds. Do you know that hotel? someone asked just today, and I thought at once of tangled sheets, of my heart on your chest, of counting down. Of the inevitable demise of counterfeit hours – with you and I sequestered there. You and I holding on. This may be a dream was heard in that hotel (tomorrow was made for some.) 

But I can’t say Yes! I know! And how! So your name becomes my opposition. I spin some kind of head-on collision (well, it speaks of impact just the same). I’m pushed against you, and against you now. With nothing ever given away. And nothing ever, ever forgotten. It seems when you can no longer tell the truth, all you have is a story.

(And I wasn’t writing about you all this time. I was writing to you. So don’t believe a thing I say, okay? Just the way I say it …)

I know you don't watch me walk away image

Image by Joanne Piechota

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8 thoughts on “Against Love

  1. cant believe someone can let go of this intensity… do they know what they have lost.
    well the heart reminds what the brain denies!

  2. Pingback: LOVE THIS « TDIWU
  3. Because I used to say your name every day and I miss the sound it makes through tongue and teeth. I miss the ownership, implicit – the way it placed you at my centre. Your name back then was my punctuation, the meaning made, my intonation. THESE WORDS WOMAN ARE POWERFUL AND GOOD THIS ISNT POETRY THIS IS BONIFIED SPOKEN WORD. I LOVE YOUR BLOG! I ESPECIALLY LIKE HOW YOU SUMMED THIS UP,,,So don’t believe a thing I say, okay? Just the way I say it …WOW! GREAT WORK!

    1. I love that your comments came through on the 31st to round out my first year on this journey – I am truly thankful for the feedback! As to the spoken word – wow, thank you mostly for saying that. I try to get the beat of each sentence right and I hear my words more than I see them so this is … well it makes me happy to know I sometimes might get there 🙂 xx

      1. YOU ARE WELCOME AND YOUR BLOG COME AS A BREATH OF FRESH AIR AND A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON SOME OF MY SAME WOMANLY REAL LIFE ISSUES, SO I APPRECIATE YOUR GIFT!

        SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS I AM SOME WHAT OF A LAZY TYPER (:

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