I had a dream last night where I said your name. Out loud. Tongue against teeth, it snaked out from pressed lips, the sound escaping with the slowest release of air. As if I had been holding my breath for days.
Oh that’s just like —– and there it was. Such freedom in the word, the way I suddenly released it from where it had so long been sitting – this sugared pill hidden under the tongue and now spat out at the feet of my friend. Who stared in surprise – but just for a second. I felt a cloudless relief to say where I had gone for all of these years, and as she took my hand we saw nothing but sky.
(This of course is how I know it a dream; in waking hours the ramparts survive. When we wall up our histories and set them apart our secrets block any sun from the other side).