I am not supposed to like this woman

I am not supposed to like this woman. I am not supposed to admire her selfishness or her hunger, a greed that has taken to demolishing all that gets in her way. I should hate the destruction she causes, not least of all to herself.  I have been taught to admire women, find my muses and inspiration in acts of strength and independence. Women who fight and march and challenge, not women who fuck and covet and become the object of their own desire.

I am not supposed to like this woman. Not her scheming or her blind faith. The cleavage bearing dresses, the teeth ready to catch his flesh, the way she parades before him. The way she ensures she is every single thing the other is not.

But here is the truth of it.  I have fallen in love with this woman. The way she has emerged from within me, this path she has taken me down is an intoxication, a slow tumbling in to wonderland. My body is awake – god how long was I sleeping? She stares me down from the mirror and I know that I will do anything to make her stay.

I  am not supposed to like this woman at all.

Published by Eidyia

I am only three things for sure - an Atheist, a Feminist, and a Writer - one who obsesses over the grand themes of love, memory and connection.

10 thoughts on “I am not supposed to like this woman

  1. I found your blog on stumble upon, it started in the middle and I went right back to the beginning. Your writing is amazing and I particularly love this entry and how you portray self reflection and looking at the person you are becoming/have become. It’s beautiful.

  2. I liked this post a while ago, when I first found your blog and went back to start at the beginning. I just revisited this particular post because it’s been tumbling about my consciousness. the way she stares you down and the preening in which she is comfortable in her skin, especially when it came to him. for him…*this* resonates. the woman I don’t recognize staring back at me, daring me to retreat and accept a life without passion, dreams and the exhilarating feeling of being free. thank you!

    1. Thank you in fact! I always love to hear what resonates (even if sometimes it’s the painful stuff). I am reminded all the time that we are seldom if ever alone in our stories xx

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